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From a letter and interview in May, 2003. This letter is a combination of “Mandy’s” initial letter to me, along with a few added paragraphs from an interview that followed. Most of that interview concerned specific events she lived through at home and must remain off the record. There has been very little editing of any kind to what is presented here. –JeffJeff, I wanted to thank you for creating your "Southern Education" web site. I hope it makes school administrators and parents think twice about the paddling issue. During my school career I attended two private schools and one public here in Ga. None of them were affiliated with any particular religious group. All of them used the paddle. The only time I was paddled was in the first grade. The teacher would send the whole class (some 25-30 students) to the bathroom at one time. As there were only three stalls in the each bathroom, the wait was sometimes quite long. If you were among those last three students, you could be sure the teacher would come into the bathroom and paddle you for being late returning to class. All the other kids knew what was going to happen, and there was a lot of "Oh. They're gonna get it," and those kinds of remarks when the teacher left for the bathroom. I was only "caught" once. I will say in her defense that she at least waited until I was finished and was out of the stall before she bent me over and whacked me on the butt (through my clothes) with her hand. There was more shame and surprise than pain I guess, especially having to go back into class and face the other kids. To be fair this teacher said years later that I was "one of her favorite students," so this seems to have been a policy with her and not anything personal. But from then on, I was terrified to ask if I could go to the bathroom during class. I felt that it was a shameful thing to have to go. This led to me wetting my pants in class as late as 4th grade and also led to me "holding it," something I still struggle with as an adult. I don't remember much about my public elementary school, but I do know the principal had a red paddle in his office. The second private school I attended, from grades 6-12, only paddled the boys, and then only for pretty bad offenses. In the yearbooks for both private schools, however, I can find at least one photo of a boy or boys with their hands against the wall in "the position" with the principal ready to swing the paddle. Was this supposed to be funny? I don't have any children yet...still single at 26, but I'd love to have some kids someday. The issue of spanking does concern me though. My dad spanked me (with his hand, a belt or a switch) until I was in my teens and learned to fight back. My father did use the lines: "I'm only doing this because I love you," and "this hurts me more than it does you." I think he meant well, and I know he didn't have any sexual motivations. His temper just got out of control, and spanking and hitting was the only way he knew to react. My mom had to make him stop sometimes. I'm worried that I'll be the same with my kids, since I often became physically violent myself. I have a tremendous amount of guilt and fear over the issue of sex, but I can't say how much spanking had to do with it. I am 26, and have never had a boyfriend or been on a date. I'm very uncomfortable with other people seeing my body, even my mother. I'm not comfortable around men, except those I work with and have come to know well over years. I am aware that these are not normal feelings, but I can't recall ever being sexually abused, so perhaps the spanking did contribute, if even on a subconscious level, to my view of myself. For most of my life, I’ve never even given any of this much thought. Only since reading your web site and others in the last few days have I begun to consider the notion of how spanking has affected me. You're welcome to use any part of this letter you wish, if you think it will help. Mandy (not my real name) |
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